Notes to Myself

Second Try

It was almost a whole year before I tried snowboarding again this week. The first time I tried snowboarding was horrendous and I wondered whether I'd ever feel like trying it again. As I have a visitor at the moment it seemed like the right time for another bash at it.

We decided on a one day trip to Jyouetsu in Nigata as there seemed to be sufficient snow - finding a place with enough snow even towards the end of December turned into a worry with the warm weather.

We went with a friend who kindly showed us the basics. Even with his help it was tough, especially for my visitor. As a first timer she had a really tough time of it and I could tell that she felt as frustrated as I did when I tried it last January. With all the heavy falls you take, one day is definately enough for a beginner. Luckily we bought some knee, hip, ass padding. Trust me, this is a great investment at 3000 yen. This time around I feel significantly less pain. On top of that my ribs are still in working order.

My trick for getting the feel of turning left and right was to actually do a little hop with the back of my board. Whether or not this is standard or not I don't know, but if it gets me used to turning then why not?

By the end I managed to get some good turns in and it felt fun for the first time. I could be catching the snowboarding bug - I'm glad I gave it a second chance.

Odakyu Lines

On my way home this morning I saw something which made me look twice at the station supermarket, Odakyu OX. When I looked in the first set of doors I could see that the shop wasn't yet open for business - it was about 9 a.m. But when I walked along and looked through the windows near the tills I saw lots of staff standing in lines. Perfect lines. At the front a man who I guess was the manager was talking to them. What I want to know is:

1. Is this a ritual before business every day?
2. If so does this happen at most shops/companies in Japan?
3. Was the manager just giving some kind of New Year's speech?

Slipper Problem

These dreams are in full flow these days. I call this one 'The Slipper Problem' or 'The Slipper Quest.'

At the beginning I was in assembly at school in Japan. Was I a teacher or a student? Everyone was already seated in groups but I decided to sit alone. A couple of friendly girls came and sat either side of me and I was thankful for their company. In Japanese style they covered their legs with a small blanket and got out their keitai (mobile phones).

One girl was playing a tennis game on her phone. It looked like it was real tennis footage, only that it had been purposefully pixelated to make it look worse. Did I have a friend there? We commented on the advanced game.

School was long gone. We were in the country with fresh green hills surrounding us. The two girls with me were much older now, perhaps around 20. Were they the same girls? Probably not. One walked a little way up the hill while I followed a path with the other. We all chatted along the way.

'There's Mt. Fuji!' I shouted as I caught sight of a beautiful mountain capped with snow.
'No, that's not Mt. Fuji.' I was corrected.

We'd travelled some distance before a wooden fence marked the boundary of a series of football matches. Carefully we made our way around the perimeter dodging footballs and people. It felt that we were near our goal. But so were the others - we had to hurry.

At last we were inside, running down a long slope towards our goal that waited at the end. My friends had gone and I was running alone. The people behind had realised the goal too and were now in pursuit. As hard as I tried sprinting was always my weak point. Someone dashed passed me with ease.

Boxing Day Post

After having a strange dream and waking I finally got back to sleep. Later the doorbell went a couple of times and I was awake again. I didn't answer, though. When I got up I found another slip from the postman telling me I'd missed my post. Just great, I thought.

As it happened I had my own parcel to send today so off I went to the post office. Many people were buying and sending nengajyou, New Year's postcards. At the counter I received a small parcel from China! A friend I worked with in London had sent me a Christmas gift. I was so excited because I've never received post from Beijing in China before. Cheers mate!

At the same time I bought a large box for my own parcel and went home to pack it full. Surprisingly to me the post office was open around the clock - if not the main counter then the 'after hours post window' (I don't think this applies every day, though). Another thing I've learnt is that in Japan you can use 'chakubarai' which means that the receiver of the post pays and not the sender.

Sex & The City

Last night my dreams were blessed by the presence of Sarah Jessica Parker. To me this is strange because I don't even like her and I've never dreamed of her before. The details of this dream I don't really remember, just that she was there and I think that she was my therapist! For some reason I woke up before anything else happened.

Christmas 2004

This year I received a few more presents than I was expecting courtesy of my lovely aunts back at home. For the first time ever I opened all of my presents in one go and made a small pile. Christmas never feels like Christmas anymore.

Rumours of the illuminations of the buildings at Sakuragichou tempted me; I'm never one to turn down a photo opportunity. In the daylight I could see extra lights stuck to the sides of Landmark Tower and the surrounding buildings.

Moving against the flow of couples I travelled away from Landmark Tower towards the Yokohama International Passenger Terminal for the first time. What an amazing piece of wooden architecture. There's even grass on it. When it gets dark a cool neon blue light eminates from along the passageways.

From the top decks there is a good view of Minato Mirai and many photographers had already set up shop for the evening long before sunset. All those people taking the same picture, does it have any meaning? That is a question I often ask myself.

Night fell and the extra red lights lit up. Practically every light inside Landmark tower was left on, as were the lights in the surrounding office blocks. Sure, it was pretty, but no more than usual if you ask me. A bit of a letdown.

Back at Landmark Plaza the number of people was simply indescribable. Actually, maybe I've seen something comparable once before - Christmas last year when I saw the 'snow' falling inside the very same shopping centre. By the number of people standing by the railings on all floors I guess there was a similar event today. I didn't stay to see it, though.

In Queens Tower A there seemed to be even more people. Couple after couple after couple. It was almost depressing. In the end, after battling to get back to the station and onto a train I was glad to get away.

Oh yes, Merry Christmas everyone!

Sister Reunion

After some years I finally met my sister again. Her face was not entirely her own, that is, it was my sister but I could see elements of other people in her features. It sounds grotesque, but it wasn't.

We were walking along the streets near our London home. To my knowledge the streets had been tarmac before I left for Japan, but now they were entirely cobbled. I turned to my sister.

'Have the streets always been cobbled?' I asked
'For a long time. Since the time mum died of cancer.' she replied.
'...died of...cancer??'
'Who have I been talking to on the phone all this time from Japan?' I went on, utterly confused.

The look in my sister's eyes as she looked at me was beyond sadness as she said these words. I felt bewildered and almost like I'd been cheated of the truth. Maybe I had been shielded from the truth for my own good. But I knew I had been talking to my mum: surely she was still alive.

I should be thankful I woke up and didn't have to endure any more. My stomach feels tangled and in pain. Why can't I just have the flying dream?

Music Nostalgia

After wandering into 'Book Off', a second hand book/CD/DVD store, I stumbled across The Fugees (Refugee Camp) - The Score [1996] for 700 yen. For an album I didn't even listen to that much at the time of release it really stirred up some strong feelings. Why was I so compelled to buy it?

When I think back it was my friends, not me, that owned this album. Two of my friends used to play it all the time when we were back in secondary school - maybe 6th form college. One of these friends I'm still in touch with; the other I haven't seen in about five years.

While I am sitting here listening to the Fugees I still can't work out exactly why my feelings were so strong on seeing the album on the shop shelf.

"Ready or not, here I come, you can't hide..."
"Gonna find you, and make you want me..."

Christmas Post

Isn't it a treat when you spot your first Christmas card sitting on your doormat? I love that feeling.

Today I even received a small parcel. Ah, loved ones sending me more of my own clothes - even though I said that I didn't need them anymore. Great.

I now have a grand total of 3 cards including the one from my company. My popularity is truly overwhelming!

But how many cards have I written and sent? Not so many, it's true. I never thought I would be so bad at the Christmas/New Year card thing. My apologies if all you get from me is an e-card. I guess I try to let myself off the hook because I keep in contact with people via e-mail throughout the year - that's important too, right?

Pachinko Fight

When I arrived at the station yesterday there were dozens of people queueing outside the local 'Passage' pachinko parlour. There must have been at least 40-50 people lining the street. Was there some kind of special Christmas event? What would an 'event' be at a pachinko parlour anyway?

Two men near the back of the queue suddenly broke out into a fist fight. They were seriously going at it, punches flying everywhere as they bounced back and forth between the edge of the road and the alcove of a shop door. The surrounding people didn't look like they were going to stick there necks out and get involved. It wasn't a pretty sight.

Longest Night

Now, if my poor Japanese has let me down this will be a funny story. If not, it's still a little funny, to me anyway. While I was speaking to some Japanese friends I noticed a few oranges on the table. It was explained to me that these special oranges are put into the bath. I think they are put into bags first, though I'm not sure about that part. Also, people eat pumpkin. Why? Because this is the longest night of the winter.

ALT Gossip

News travels fast in the school community. You tell someone something and the next minute some teacher at another school is asking questions about it.

Just the other day I went to play tennis with a teacher I made friends with some time ago. There was the usual crowd of tennis playing teachers from different schools. I recognised one teacher from the first school I ever worked at in Japan.

So, this one teacher got talking to me about the ALT who lives not far from me. I don't know anything about her really. I see her sometimes with her boyfriend but we only exchange pleasantries. The teacher went on to tell me that this ALT is getting married soon, he tells me all about her fiance and even where they first met. I mean come on, this is too much.

I wonder if the same gossip flies around about normal Japanese teachers or whether there is a special interest in the foreign teachers. You have to be very careful about what you tell people.

French Lesson

Since leaving secondary school I haven't much thought about my French teacher. I had no special feelings towards her so why she should appear in my dreams now is a mystery.

Well, I was back at school, back in the same classroom I used to have French lessons in. I didn't notice anything about the other students, only that they were there. The French teacher was managing to teach us French but without the French. Maybe it was actually in Japanese, I'm not sure.

Towards the end of the lesson she kept asking me questions about the grammatical subjects and what 'it' and 'that' were referring to in my English textbooks. This is a common thing Japanese people tend to ask about English sentences.

The lesson was over. On the board there were several of my magnets and postcards which I use to introduce myself and the U.K. to the students in real life. I took them off the board and wiped it clean of chalk.

For some reason I was trying to recall how to say 'seventeen' in French. No matter how hard I tried it wouldn't come to me. Everything was blocked by my Japanese. I even thought some Japanese words were French.

While some students were still in the room I was talking to the French teacher at the front. I was puzzled over a problem and she was trying to point my in the right direction while she held my arm. Then I realised there was meaning behind her touch. She was trying to take advantage of me.

Hope, Wish

希望・Kibou・Hope, Wish

Long Mail

There are times when you try and get on with things. Keep going, things will get better. All you need is some space to get back on track. Then, all of a sudden you get an email, a phone call, you have a conversation, something which totally throws you off, emotions surface and you find yourself almost back to square one. You realise you were nowhere near getting back on track.

G Spam

My barely used GMail account has suddenly been hit by spam. So much so in fact that it has exceeded the amount of spam I get in my 3 year old Yahoo mail account.

On Fire

My ears are nearly on fire they are that hot. My right ear in particular is super red. What is the cause of this phenomenon? The increased amount of heating at school? Though I'd love to believe that people are talking about me - in a good way of course - I doubt this is true. Does anyone know what the Japanese think this means?

Presence

Even though we see the same people day-in-day-out I find that they are not always the people who appear in my dreams. Isn't that odd? I think so.

I had a dream about a girl I thought I knew. Her attractive face was largely hidden by the way she stood and by her long straight hair. We were standing in her shop, though in real life to my knowlege she doesn't do shop work. What kind of shop was it? A shoe shop? There was someone else with me, I could feel his/her presence but I never saw this person.

We were all taken from Japan and were placed in my family's house back in London. At some point the girl made to leave. 'Where are you going?' I wanted to ask. But I was afraid of the answer, so I hesistated until she reached the door.

Time jumped backwards and we were talking together. We were talking about her plans for the evening. It was all innocent enough, she assured. Just friends and a movie. But there would be other people? 'Yes,' she replied. I was jealous and confused, but in the end it was her choice to make.

There's something that really bothers me: who or what was the presence beside me?

Eat & Drink

Lately I haven't been eating well. My stomach has been in pain and I've probably lost considerable weight in only a week. But no more! I'm not going to let myself run into worse health if I can help it.

Breakfast, something I used to swear by, is still not fully back on the menu as yet. I was never really one of those people who could just forget about eating until lunchtime. As this cold is really starting to irritate me, my breakfast today was the array of drinks from the local combini pictured above.

The Oronamin C energy drink never does anything for me but I just like the taste. Could the apple juice help? Well, all of this didn't appear to do much good, in the short term at least. I've been drousy all day even though I slept early last night; I felt dizzy in class and my stomach still doesn't feel right.

It's probably all in the mind: think positive.

Laughter

One of the badminton club students at school I have named 'laughing girl.' Even when she watches her friends play badminton she is full of energy and when she talks she is always laughing. I mean really laughing, not just giggling. Seeing this girl laugh gives me a lift every time. Isn't there something amazing about the laughter and happiness of children? It's so innocent and full of emotion that it's touching.

Of course, it is not only children who laugh. I bumped into one of my ex-students yesterday at the grocery shop where she works part-time. Her face is always bright, smiling and cheerful. When she speaks her voice is alive. Just speaking to her gave me a boost. Do you have such people around you?

I wouldn't think for a second that people like her don't suffer from problems or hurt inside; but they influence other people in such a good way it just struck me as worthy of noting down. With my calm personality I think I need more of these people around me.

Future Pension

Roy over at Q-Taro wrote about pensions which got me thinking again about my own pension. Actually, since filing the tax forms at the end of November the whole question of pensions has been on my mind.

When I arrived in Japan I paid into a pension fund automatically through being a JET. Everything was so easy as a JET - all I had to do was pay when I was told to and I had an ample salary. Not so now.

As I've said before, I had to join Japan's National Health Insurance scheme. Technically, I think this is the law, but then I'm not sure where people stand with private insurance from other companies. Now, should I also be paying into a pension fund? The longer you delay the less you will receive when you retire, right?

Many people I guess wouldn't bother if they thought they were going to leave the country within a couple of years. For me though, my future is uncertain. But I know there is a pension refund where you can collect part of the money you've paid into a Japanese pension scheme should you leave Japan for good.

There are so many things I don't understand. If you move from a work pension to a government pension what happens to the money? What if you then move to another company? What if you moved country but came back 10 years later? What would happen if I stayed here until almost retirement and moved back to the UK? Would I be up the creek without a paddle?

I hate finance. I don't understand finance. Income tax, residents' tax, loans, mortgages, pensions, insurance... you name it, they all strike fear into me. But I also realise that there is no one else who is going to take care of these things for me anymore.

Big Tennis Page

This page is a prime example of how not to make a web page. Talk about too much information for one page.

But look through the bad design and grainy graphics and you will find a lot of great content. There are hundreds of great tennis pics, showing good form with animated images of pro shots. Then there is the text. I haven't read much, just looked at a few Sampras shots, but if you are into tennis you might want to check it out.

Really, I shouldn't talk about tennis as much here. I guess my average reader isn't a tennis player and doesn't come here to read about my boring tennis thoughts. On the other hand this is supposed to be my page, to post what I desire. This is a bit of a tough trade-off.

No Spitting

As a general rule I don't spit. Some people are fussy about it, others don't really care. The exception I allow myself is when I am sick and when no one is looking - it's just too embarrassing otherwise.

With this never-ending cold I am struggling with all this nastiness in my nose and throat. I got caught out and broke my rule. To avoid choking I spat when I was riding my bicycle but at the same time I realised that there was another cyclist behind me. Cringe.

That was very embarrassing. Well, I just had to try and remember seeing that old woman with all her shopping and flowers in her basket who let one fly as she rode along.

Silent Voice

The weekly Monday teachers' meeting normally leaves me alone and bored in the staffroom. But today I found one of the kanji books I bought a while back which I haven't used. There's a CD that comes with it and I thought the meeting would give me the ideal opportunity to try it out.

An English teacher told me I could use the Language Lab (LL) to play the CD. I let myself in and managed to get the CD to work. My Japanese kanji recognition may have improved with study but at the same time my writing skills have become almost non-existent. The CD has some dictation sentences which really embarrassed me.

I moved on to my idea: recording my Japanese accent. Somehow I knew it would be worse than I expected... but not quite that bad! Well, anyway, it looks like it could be a great way to work on improving my accent.

At 5:00 I decided it was time to head back to the staffroom. The meeting should have been over and the staffroom reopened. When I switched off the lights and went into the corridor it there wasn't a single light on. There was only a little light filtering in through the windows and the small red glow of fire extinguisher lights. It was seriously spooky. It got worse as the doors were locked and I had to get back via the 2nd floor and an almost pitch black set of stairs.

Somewhere normally so full of life takes on a totally different feel when it's empty, black and when you can hear nothing but your own footsteps.

Alone Again

Fate decided that today I should sit on a cold bench damp from rain. I seem to be believing in fate a lot these days. It was already dark and very chilling.

Again I stuggled with emotions and difficult thoughts. However, I was sure my decision had been made. Really? Well, let's hope so.

I got through a whole pack of free tissues from Nova during those 2 freezing hours. My cold is really doing quite well for itself.

Something brushed my coat almost as if to show affection. A black and white cat had appeared. It's eyes pleaded that I didn't leave it. As bad as I felt in the end I had no choice. I thought it might accompany me for the walk home but in the end I was alone again.

Stone Seats

Once or twice I visited a pretty little park. Today must have been the first time I've been back there since spring. Things look so different now. The floor is brown and dusty; the grass is no longer green; the trees look bleak; and there isn't the smallest drop of water flowing to the pond along the water course. But on the up-side there was a warm winter Sun and perfect blue sky when I arrived.

There are huge slabs of stone in different shapes on a small hill. This area is perfect for sitting around with friends and family for a picnic. Actually, I was surprised by the number of children in such a small park but then it is Saturday, after all.

After a short walk I settled on one of the two polished stone steps near one of the park entrances. People milled by constantly and even insects came to break my concentration. Hours passed and the coldness steadily became uncomforable. The ground around me seemed to be getting damper with time. I stayed a while longer trying to organise my thoughts. Though I wanted to stay longer, eventually it was goodbye and I left my little park.

The station was a short distance away but it took an eternity to get there. After getting off the escalator I found myself at familiar ticket barriers, but I realised that the direction I was going in was different today. I backed up and found a different train line. Time for a new direction and a little exploration, perhaps?

Deceptive

There is something deceptive about the winter here. It's so beautiful and yet it's so cold. It's uncaring and empty. I dreamt about sitting under my new kotatsu. I was eating After Eight chocolates while enjoying the warmth and the good company of the special people around me. This was my Christmas dream.

(un) loyalty

Friends, family, lovers and relationships. They mix, they become complicated and if anything disturbs the delicate balance the whole thing starts looking shaky and dangerous.

Say you found out something you weren't supposed to. A secret you shouldn't know. You might choose to tell whoever this affects and be loyal; but in the process you might have to betray someone else. Sometimes we protect friends and family by not telling them everything we know. We have to make tough and inescapable choices. It's difficult to weigh up exactly what might been lost or gained.

Who do we trust? We have no choice but to trust in the people around us; as do they in us. Wouldn't someone who didn't trust anyone be a very lonely person? In the end are we alone?

There are no right choices, just the choice you made. That's what they say, right? I've always believed that the choices we make are made by ourselves - not decided by some supreme being - but I also believe that these choices are known ahead of time. Like we have free will, but that will has already been read by someone or something. Am I alone in such beliefs?

I rarely have confidence in the choices I make. The comfortable choices are often the easiest. If I could make choices and never look back...

Twisted

What person would be complete without an umbrella attached to the side of their bike? It fits snugly along the back wheel hooked around the seat. Even on a sunny day why bother taking it off? It's always there just waiting to save you when that rain catches you out.

My brolly was making an annoying noise as it grazed the spokes as the wheel turned. I stopped and managed to find a precarious way of positioning the umbrella quite low down the bar below the saddle. The noise stopped.

A few minutes later suddenly my back wheel locked and I skidded to a halt on a busy road. 'What on earth?!' When I looked down I was shocked to see that my faithful umbrella was bent into two, wrapped around my spokes. Shit!

I removed the umbrella with no problems. Then the handle came clean off in my hand. Chucking the whole lot into a nearby rubbish pick-up site I checked the damage to my bike. Surprisingly the spokes got away with only a little bending. The worse part was that I'd snapped my back wheel's brake cable. So, it's only the front brake until I get it fixed.

The whole thing could've been a lot worse. Generally the side umbrella thing is safe, but as long as it's securely attached: don't do what I did!

Teacher

For the first time in ages I felt like a teacher. The Japanese teacher was a little behind on his marking. While he finished things off at the back of the class he asked me to do the activity we had planned with the class. So, the students had no choice but to focus on my words and gestures.

After the group activity we had some time left and I had to do some drilling of our target grammar with flashcards until the teacher was finished. I'd wanted to do this in preparation for the game but the Japanese teacher launched into a brief introduction of the game before going to the back of the class.

Normally in class I just stand there and get asked to say the odd thing or to join in with activities. This one time, however, I felt like I was 'utilised' for the first time in a long while. It was a good feeling.

JLPT 2004

Saturday night was far from a peaceful night. Incredibly strong winds roared and rain lashed down the whole night; so much so that I thought I might not survive till morning, let alone get to an exam. Ah, the exam. Could it be my worst fear? The dream I have about not getting to the exam venue... could it possible come true?

At 7 a.m. I turned on the TV and checked the internet. The trains that I had to take were apparently not even running - panic time. I left at 7:30 and went to plan B: cycling 50 minutes to the point where I was to take the bus. As I cycled I pondered how it could be so warm and how the sky could be so blue after feeling like I was going to be killed by falling trees the night before.

The special shuttle bus started at 8:15 from the train station to the university where the exam was being held. I got on the first one and it was full. I got to my exam room over an hour early.

The first paper was the kanji/words paper. It was even more painful than it should've been. From the moment we sat down I was busting to go to the toilet. They took an age to start the actual exam. Then when it started, the paper was tough right from the first question. It was a nightmare of a test but I was glad when it was over: I have never been as glad to see a toilet in all my life.

Back near the exam room I found a couple of familiar faces. The general concensus was that the test was a killer. My headache got worse and I had a couple more 'Eve' (paracetamol). It seems as though my body had been holding back sickness for as long as possible. Man, I felt terrible and today I feel not much better.

Anyway, next, the listening exam. Just as I'd expected it was by far my best of the three tests. On a few questions I lost concentration and a couple of questions were tricky, but for the most part it was simple enough. The unthinkable did happen to someone - their phone rang. Instant red card, my friend.

Lunch. Maybe I dreamed it but outside I think I visited China for an hour before returning for the last test. There were practically no white people; mostly Chinese and some Indian. It was like being back at university, come to think about it. This was totally different from the mix of people at 3 kyu last year.

The grammar paper was almost manageable in places but the reading sections were too long for me. After all three tests I am not sure how well I did. Could I have scraped a pass?

Three special buses waited outside as everyone flooded out of the campus. No one seemed to be getting on. A normal bus going to the station passed by on the other side of the road. I chanced it and crossed, then walked to the next bus stop. The chance paid off and I got to the station quickly on a bus with only about 4 other people. Tip 2: buy a suica, passnet or the applicable pre-paid card in order to avoid big queues at the station ticket machines.

No matter what the results of the test, I think it has been worthwhile as I've learnt a lot. Hopefully, I'll be able to prepare myself better for any future exams.

Certain Victory

At last, the JLPT is over! Or is it just the beginning? I hope all you exam people did well. I'll write about my experience later, maybe tomorrow.

Yesterday I tried to forget about the test as best I could and went for a calligraphy lesson. I wanted to write something positive and together with my teacher we came up with 'hisshou' meaning 'certain victory'.

I just couldn't produce the right strokes. Perhaps I was pushing positive thinking a little too far...

Time Up

1. Keep calm
2. Briefly look at notes & last vocab
3. Check route & times to exam venue
4. Go to calligraphy class
5. No evening study
6. Sleep early

That's the plan anyway.

Satisfying Bath

Winter is here. Yes, finally I admit it - though I was walking around in a T-shirt at the end of November. What better way to warm up than to jump into a nice hot bath?

My old water heater used to really struggle to make a good bath and took forever. This meant that in the end I just gave up. However, as I have a new unit with a healthy powerful shower, I can now have a bath without it being too much of a hassle.

Though I am sometimes tempted to do otherwise, my recent baths have been in the Japanese tradition: shower and wash before jumping in. My actual bath tub is square in shape and as deep as it is wide - basically a cube. Horizontally, this results in a rather more cramped experience from the bath back at my family's house in England, but vertically it's a far deeper experience.

It feels so good to sit in a bath with heat and steam everywhere. It's almost like I'd forgotten what it was like. Excluding onsen, I could count the number of baths I've had in Japan on one hand - normally it's rush, rush, rush, meaning only time for showers... but in some cases it's good to do things slowly.

Black Hawk

An ideal distraction came from study when I heard that Black Hawk Down was going to be on TV last night. When it came out in the cinemas it seemed interesting but I never got around to seeing it. Lately, I've only been able to concentrate properly on study in the mornings anyway, and so I all too easily gave myself the night off.

In the end I couldn't even get into the film. I think it was nearing 2 1/2 hours when it finished, but I'd lost interest a long time before the end. These days I just can't watch war films and not feel sick. Maybe it's a good thing, I say to myself, because it should be sickening.

The extremely gory shots were a bit much. It kind of reminded me of when I start Saving Private Ryan. It is a competition to see how much you can show? Or is it justified by saying that it's closer to the horrific reality of war? Either way, I can't seem to cope with it without feeling sick.

Mail Similarity

'Eh?' my Yahoo! mail looks different today, I thought. For a start the WYSIWYG editing buttons look a little different and the lack of a 'save copy in sent folder' tick box instantly caught my eye (how annoying is that?!). Then something else hit me...

There is now a 'search mail' and 'search web' section built in - exactly like part of GMail's interface. Yahoo must be taking GMail seriously.

Unflushed

Another depressing day of study;
Another unflushed turd in the men's toilets.